What is it about approaching a so called big birthday that makes us (me) start to look at things slightly differently?
So as I approach my big four 0, I feel like I’m becoming more and more focused on others.
I used to think that it was all about ME.
Kids coming along definitely helped me to realise that this isn’t the case…..for a while anyway.
It wasn’t long before I was actually using them as an excuse to be working longer hours.
“what if they want to go to university?”
“we have to have a nice holiday as a family”
“I want to show them that hard work pays off”
I used to think that if I worked hard and earned lots of money then we could afford to go on nice holidays and have nice Christmas presents and that was what being a good responsible Dad was all about. Being the provider.
But this is fucked up. It’s not true.
I’ve since learnt that even though kids might say that they want the latest X box or latest football boots, what they really want (and desperately need) is a loving dad that they know is always there for them.
You see one of the side effects of me actually starting to sort my own health and mind out has been that I have become a better dad. This is what happens when there is more balance.
When there is a regular release valve from work.
When you stop drinking so much and being able to appreciate those that are around you.
When you stop eating shit and have more energy to want to do stuff with your family.
IT ALL STARTS WITH YOU ACTUALLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF!
Our kids are only young once. Those early years are gone in a flash. The quality of the time that we spend with them is shaping their personality for the future.
I remember reading Felix Dennis’ autobiography called “how to get rich” and as he was writing it on his tropical island having made hundreds of millions of pounds over the years. He said that he would swap all of his fortune to
be young again. It got me thinking.
Does this mean that we should drop everything to be with our kids all the time? Of course not.
In my view, being a great dad is about being an inspirational role model. It’s about demonstrating (not just saying) behaviour that is congruent with them fulfilling their own potential as they get older.
These are the things that I try to demonstrate on a daily basis to my little boy Harrison (currently 9 years old) and little girl Georgina (currently 7 years old):
- Hard work is important. You reap what you sew.
- Doing what you love means that hard work doesn’t feel like hard work
- Waking up with a smile on your face and being grateful for everything that you have sets you up for the day (eg today my son was grumpy about having to go back to school after Easter break – I reminded him of all the things that he could be grateful for and how lucky he is just to have parents that love him so much. He ended up walking in with a big grin)
- It’s ok (in fact it’s really good) to show love – love towards my wife and love towards them
- If you don’t love yourself first then how can you expect others to love you?
- Regular exercise helps you to keep feeling and looking young
- Eating healthy is just as important as exercise. There is a correlation between what you eat and how you feel
- Experiences are more important than possessions (eg instead of presents last year for Christmas we all went to Eurodisney)
- Helping others to positively change their lives is a really cool way to live each day
- Just because I’m in the same room as them it doesn’t count as quality time if I’m looking at my phone and checking emails
- Money is not the root of all evil. Money can be used in a really positive way and should be treated with respect.
- No matter how much you plan for something, be prepared for something to go wrong (don’t expect it, but just be prepared for it)
- The World is a really big place and should be explored with a sense of adventure.
- Learning your times table and being able to place a comma in the right place is not as important as having common sense and being able to solve problems
- Get comfortable at being uncomfortable – in other words don’t always settle for being in a comfort zone. Try new things, Keep learning and pushing to become the best you can be.
Whilst not an exhaustive list (things get added to it as time goes on), it is my made up blueprint of how I want to be an inspirational role model to my kids. At the end of the day though they are their own person. They will also be influenced by others. They will choose their own path
But
I will know that regardless of where they end up they will be able to look back on these early years with fond memories of having a loving Dad that spent loads of quality time with them and tried his best to provide them with every opportunity to fulfil their potential.
Ricky